Worried about being shy?
Do any of these sound familiar:
- I’m worried that people won’t like me.
- I’m worried that I will say the wrong thing.
- I’m worried people won’t talk to me.
- I’m worried I will make a mistake.
- I’m worried I won’t do a good enough job.
If you are worried and experience shyness, sometimes one can increase the other. For example; I’m worried that I won’t know what to say at the party, so I don’t talk to anyone and am now timid and shy all night. And I’m shy about talking in front of groups and worry that I miss many opportunities.
Of course there are situations where worry and shyness are not connected. But you will often find that when you are feeling particularly shy, worry is also present. The good news is that preventing, or reducing one can have the follow on effect of reducing the other. For example, finding a successful method to stop your worrying can mean you feel more confident and less shy at that party.
Time, shyness and worry.
In my experience the greatest impact worry has on shyness occurs when you have the time to worry. For example, a job interview, first date, party, or presentation etc. scheduled for next week. You may worry that you won’t know what to say, who to talk to etc. These pestering worrying thoughts can eat away at your confidence and increase your shyness. This is obviously not what we want.
The best solution here is obviously to reduce or even better stop any waiting time. Of course this isn’t always practical or possible. In these cases some solutions that have worked for me include:
February 11th, 2008 at 2:22 pm
I agree that worry and shyness can be a dangerous combination. Time is definately a factor as you suggest - but not just in terms of having available time to worry.
The time factor can also be used to play the situation or challenge up, making you appear smaller than the challenge you’re facing. Not true.
Another way that time plays a role is by allowing you to get into analysis paralysis, eventually putting off making a decision at all. It’s a convenient way to let yourself off the hook - the more time you have the more options you conjure up, the more doubts you create and the more difficult it is to make a decision. So you don’t, and end up absolving yourself of responsibility, letting things ride and walking away…
February 12th, 2008 at 2:27 am
Hi Steve, good points. Thanks for bring up analysis paralysis, I didn’t go into it because I feel it is separate from shyness/worrying. But it is a good point to keep in mind.