Tips for Introverts.
Recently I wrote a guest post for a wonderful blog, Introvert blogs. The aims to offer a starting point for introverts to overcome their shyness. If you are an introvert, I encourage you to take a look at Lea Anns blog, it’s a wonderful first-hand look at being an introvert. I truly appreciate blogs like this, it’s offers comfort that we are not alone.
Overcoming shyness: tips for introverts.
Being shy isn’t a bad thing. You can be shy and live a very happy and successful life. But when shyness prevents you from doing things you would enjoy or you miss opportunities, then you need to decide whether to let shyness control your life, or will you take control of your shyness?
As an introvert working to overcome shyness there are two main needs to consider:
1. As an introvert – time to reflect, regroup and be by yourself.
2. To overcome shyness – join social groups, attend social gatherings etc.
The easiest way I have found to meet both needs is to plan social events so they are evenly spread throughout the week. For example, if I had a work function on Friday afternoon, I would not plan to go out on Friday Night. Likewise, if I went out with friends on Saturday night, I would have stay home Saturday afternoon and probably Sunday morning too.
Just how much time you need to regroup depends on you, what the event is, and who will be there etc. When I first began to challenge my shyness I liked to have several days after some events to reflect and regroup. Now I need much less. You probably already have a good feel for how much alone time you need. So plan social events to ensure you have enough time for yourself.
Once you have your time planned out you can get to work overcoming that shyness. Just attending social gatherings is not enough. You need to step out of your comfort zone, approach someone say hello, introduce yourself and have a conversation. If this all sounds too much, don’t panic. You can break this down and practice until you feel more comfortable and confident.
Planning what you are going to say can be very helpful. I use to get stuck not knowing what to say because I was searching for the perfect response. I didn’t realize that my comments didn’t have to be witty, clever and smart all the time. Talking about the weather or some local news is fine. Small talk helps to create a bond and acts as a vehicle to lead to deeper conversations and relationships.
Once you have worked out a few things to say, the next step is where to practice. The best place to start is in situations that are safe such as:
1. Close friends. Rehearse what you are going to say with a good friend. This is particularly good for job interviews and work related networking.
2. The shopping center. When you purchase something, look the sales clerk in the eyes as you greet and thank them. Once this is comfortable add some small talk. Ask questions about products, or ask another shopper their opinion on an item.
3. The gym. I use to do a lot of group classes, and there was good opportunities to have a small chat with someone before class and then during tracks.
Once you feel more comfortable saying hi and making some small talk with strangers it’s time to develop those conversation skills a little more. To do this try joining a group or club that interests you, volunteer work is also a good option. Being with a group of people who share a similar interest or passion means conversation are much easier to start or join, allowing you to go beyond small talk and create a deeper relationship with people. And don’t forget to always acknowledge your progress. Don’t dismiss what you doing, this is a big deal, and it isn’t easy.
Overcoming shyness as an introvert is similar to anyone overcoming shyness, but it does have the extra challenge of being social while meeting your introvert needs. So plan your week so you know when you will have time to yourself and when you will be social. In your social times stepping outside your comfort zone and talking with others all help to overcome shyness.
February 29th, 2008 at 4:24 pm
Dee, I just discovered your blog and I’ve been enjoying reading about your experiences with shyness and introversion and comparing them with my own. There’s a psychologist, Renee Gilbert, Ph.D., who has a great website on shyness, called Shake Your Shyness, with lots of information, strategies, and resources. If you haven’t seen it, the link is http://www.shakeyourshyness.com/.