The Truth About Small Talk.
Conversations don’t usually start with deep and meaningful questions, nor are they, in reality the exchange of witty banter we are amused by on some television shows. But in fact, most conversations and so-called small talk are nothing special or interesting, it’s just people talking.
Recently I read of a person who was planning to write a screenplay. To have realistic dialogue they recorded their workmates during the lunch break for a few days. However when listening back they soon realized that this banter which was so entertaining, enjoyable and funny, was in fact very repetitive and at times boring. Complaints about management were the same and the funny jokes were ones when “you had to be there”.
After reading this I made special note of all conversations, and while it has only been 10 days, I have noticed that if I was recording my conversations, I would have a similar result. Over the last few days many conversations have centered around the passing of Sir Edmund Hillary and his upcoming funeral. Along with many complaints of the weather; currently it is far too hot.
If you were to record your small talk conversations, would also notice the repetition of topics?
The key here is to remember that you don’t need to search for that perfect ‘one’ thing to say. People talk about day-to-day stuff, news of interest and even the weather. This is good news if you currently get stuck because you don’t know what to say. A friendly smile and a sincere “how are you” is a great starting point. Make a comment on recent news or weather and/or ask them their views and the conversation is flowing. As you get to know the person, more conversation topics will naturally develop and the conversations will become more comfortable.
Starting conversations and engaging in small talk with strangers can seem daunting when you experience shyness or social anxiety. But the best thing to remember is that you don’t need to find that perfect thing to say. Start with the basics to help grow your conversational confidence.
January 15th, 2008 at 7:19 am
Wow, what a great post to come across as I was hopping over to see what you’re up to! It’s interesting, I happened to notice these sorts of things IN ACTION at a friend’s daughter’s 21st birthday party back during the holiday season. I was halfway uneasily sitting next to a couple I’d only met once before, while my husband was up getting our drinks, and the lady and I started with what I was dreading as general “chit chat” like the weather, my change in hair style since we’d met, was I getting settled in my new home, etc., until I realized that these questions and answers were only vehicles to more meaningful conversation. “The lady” became Julie, and I was sincerely enjoying myself speaking with her, and her husband, who’d I’d not gotten a very pleasant impression of at first meeting, became a completely different person when we started talking about music, and all the different kinds we had in common, as well as explaining to each other what hitherto unknown artists sounded like. It was an eye opening evening, and I felt much more confident being in a social situation around people I hardly know.
I won’t be apprehensive in a social situation again, because I’ve realized that you start out with basic topics, and really expand from there if there are at least two parties in the conversation willing to reach out, and know more.
Keep rocking on with the good news, Dee!
January 15th, 2008 at 8:06 am
Hey, Dee, I’ve tagged you over at mine:
http://www.extraordinarygirl.blog-city.com/oh_no_a_meme.htm
I’d love to see some random things about you that you wouldn’t mind sharing.