Don’t Be Shy

Shyness can often leave you standing to the side wondering what to say or do.  Taking action may seem like a general (and useless) piece of advice but it isn’t as hard as it seems.  And it works!  Like most things as one step it is huge, but broken down into small steps, taking action to overcome shyness is do-able.

How to take action when you don’t know what to do?

Taking that first step is always the hardest, but once you get going it is much easier to keep going.  So the main challenge is taking that first step.  Being shy means there are often times when you are unsure what to do.  Taking action still applies in these situations.  If you don’t know what to do, think of two or three options.  I have found that usually there are several options running in my head, I just get stuck knowing what to choose so use to do none.   Once you have a few options, just pick one.  It doesn’t matter what one, it is far more important that you do something.   

Example:  You are at a party and most people are strangers.  Think of some options, you come up with the options: 

1. Go home. 
2. Go and introduce yourself to new people. 
3. Get a soda. 
4. Talk with the friend you came with.

Now quickly scan through these options and discard any that are not practical and then just randomly choose one option from what’s left.  Looking at the example  and you might decide that option one, go home is best used as a plan B or C.    Option 2, go and introduce yourself might be too much at the moment.  So it’s down to option 3 and 4.  Say you pick option 3.  Well now a decision is made so you can take action.   Walk over and get a soda, as you pick it up you might make small talk with other person.  And off you go having a great night.  If not and you are still standing alone, now you can try option 4 and find your friend. 

No action = increase in fear.

If you are shy and in an uncomfortable social situation you need to take action, no matter how small.  If you don’t take any action, you will most likely stand there and think, and there is a good chance that those thoughts will be critical.  Thinking too much also leads to a small deal quickly becoming a HUGE deal.  Lack of action can lead to increase in fear, which leads to less action.  It can be a vicious downward spiral.

Bonus tips.

If you know you are attending a social event, pre-plan some options.  The other thing I have noticed is that situations often repeat.  This means that if your shyness means that you think of what to say or do afterwards, remember them because the situation may come up again. 

Taking action will keep the fear and shyness away (or at least reduce it.) So find a few options and take action.  Usually, if you have three options, it doesn’t really matter what option you do first.  Just do one.  The first is always hardest, so once you have taken one small step, keep moving.