Quick Tip: How to deal with advice that doesn’t help.
Have you ever heard advice like “oh just don’t worry and get out there” or “don’t be shy, just chat with people”? This advice use to bother me and leave me wondering what was wrong with me. Why couldn’t I just ‘get out there’? Advice like this can be common, so what do you do when people advise you to stop being shy?
The key to dealing with advice like this is to simply acknowledge that this person, however good their intentions, does not fully understand your situation. Given this, they can only offer advice from their own perspective. For them it is that easy, you just get up and go talk to someone. But from my point of view that was not an easy thing to do. If it was that easy I would already be doing it.
Another way to think about it is ask ‘what if a person came to you and asked how to be more quiet and listen more than you talk?’ Well I don’t have that problem, it comes naturally. There are no steps I have to take, I just do it. So how would you answer? Just listen more? Stop talking as much? It doesn’t mean anything is wrong with them, only that it’s different.
*Keep in mind that some people have overcome shyness and they may be able to help. Likewise a trained professional maybe able to help as their training developed the skills and knowledge to understand different people. But of course, these people are unlikely to just say “just stop being shy” without helping you/giving you ideas on how to actually do this.
May 11th, 2008 at 10:17 pm
I get this advice all the time. Nice to know it is not just me.
May 12th, 2008 at 10:09 am
When someone asks “Why don’t you do something?”, I don’t even try to explain. I just say: “Yeah, you’re right, I should do it, but I’m a fool”. Well, if someone asks, it means that he/she won’t understand anyway…
May 19th, 2008 at 4:29 pm
Dee,
Your blog really is an excellent and much-needed resource for all who are shy. May it get the huge readership it deserves!
Nick