Don’t Be Shy

As you work to overcome your shyness there will be times when you will need to push yourself to take action.  When you first start, you may decide that your first step will be small talk with co-workers.  Feeling shy the first time is most likely.  So you will need to push yourself – planning the opening remark in your head and taking a deep breath should be enough to push you through.   Once you get going and feel the success the next time won’t be so scary, soon it will not cause any apprehension, and then it will be no big deal.    Whether this step takes 10 days, or 30 days does not matter, it is far more important that proceeding at your own pace.  
 

Don’t force yourself.

Be careful that you don’t force yourself.  If the step forward is too big, or you have tried to move ahead too soon you can find yourself panicking and it can take some time to re-group and get back on track. 

This is best explained with an example, so I will use one from my own experience;   I had wanted to feel comfortable talking with my co-workers, so I started with small talk, then small conversations, and then I felt ready to join my co-workers at a bar after work with every intention to join in the conversations.  Once there, I started to panic and I wanted to leave.  I hadn’t considered that a change in location would also mean a change in conversation topics.   I took a few deep breaths to relax. I then realised that this step was too much for me right now.  But I also knew that if I was to force myself I would not be back next week and that it would take a long time before I was ready to give it another go.  So instead I added another step – feel comfortable in the new location.  So I did just that, and the following week I went again and feeling more comfortable was able to add a few comment.   Note that I didn’t run,  that I did have to push myself to stay, but I didn’t force myself to talk. 

If you find yourself with a similar feeling towards a new step, consider adding a new intermediate step.  Remember to move at your own pace and you will feel much more relaxed and comfortable with each new social setting. 

What to do when you just don’t want to practice.

Ask yourself why you don’t want to, is it fear based or a genuine need to be alone.  If your reasons are fear, then re-evaluate where you are, what step are you currently working on?  Have you moved to fast?  If your reasons are a genuine need to be by yourself, then take some time to do that.  Just make sure that you aren’t taking time off each day.         

Every now and then I don’t feel up to joining my co-workers.  So I go home and relax.  This is fine and I have found that I do join them more often than not.