When you find your shyness coming out, and you start to feel anxious you can get trapped in a mind –body –mind –body spiral.  Once your mind starts racing, your heart starts to race, your hands feel sweaty then your mind races more and on it goes.  If you find yourself in this situation you are most likely to find it easier to control the body, rather than the mind.

Relaxing the body. 

This site has a video that takes you through the steps of deep breathing.  Here and here are a few more site that have information on relaxing, in a more general sense.

Relaxing the mind.

While relaxing the body is often easier, have a simple phrase such as “I’m okay” that you can repeat to yourself, in case the positive thoughts are taken over by negative.   Step 5 talks about stopping any negative self talk, and this is a very important step, but keep in mind if your thoughts have been negative for 5, 10 or 20 years, it will take some time to adjust to your new positive thoughts.  And it is often in moments where you find your shyness coming out the most that all your good intentions of positive thoughts go out the window.   So  have a back-up plan, while you continue to work on those positive thoughts.

A working example:

Deep even breathing is what works best for me.  Try this now, and if you notice that your shoulders rise and fall then you need to practice so it isn’t noticeable, but that you still get the same calm feeling.   When I have an event coming up, I take time to relax at home first.  A nice cup of tea and some music, or listening to a podcast always helps.  These ideas work well for me, and I have had success using them.  Of course everyone being different means they might not be best for you, so I suggest trying a number of ideas to see what works and what doesn’t.

Posted in Overcoming Shyness |

3 Responses to “Overcoming Shyness Part 6: Learn to Relax.”

1. Rudi Says:
   August 10th, 2007 at 7:08 am

   Im deep breathing lol. It does work.

2. james Says:
   August 10th, 2007 at 11:04 am

   Once you’ve gotten your body under control, that is a perfect time to reign your mind in.

   I found these tips a while ago and found them very useful for controlling anxiety in on-your-feet situations:

   http://www.topachievement.com/kentsayre.html

   They’re tips on increasing confidence, but I find there’s some basic techniques in there that can help you control a run-away mind.

   Let me know what you think!
   james

3. Dee Says:
   August 10th, 2007 at 10:22 pm

   @ Rudi - It is amazing how relaxed you feel with some deep breathing. lol glad it works for you
   @ James - Thanks for the link, some good tips there.

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