Overcoming Shyness Part 4: Stop Negative Self-Talk
“A man is what he thinks about all day”
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Next time you are in a situation that makes you feel shy, take a moment to notice what it is your thoughts are saying.
Some thoughts that I have experienced are:
> I’m too shy.
> I never know what to say.
> No one will notice me/ I’ll be ignored.
> I need something and don’t want to ask.
> No one will like me.
> No one will notice if I leave.
Do any of these sound familiar? Well the good news is that you can change your thoughts, and by doing so you will feel more comfortable in social settings. It not easy and you need to decide to just do it. But let me tell you, it is most certainly worth it.
How to Think Differently. (one step at a time)
Going from “I’m too shy” to “I’m full of confidence and outgoing” might be too much a jump for you (and me). Instead try writing down what your current thought is, what your goal thought is and the steps to take. Change your starting thought from a negative to a positive, and then once it feels natural to say the new thought, change it slightly, until you reach your goal.
A working example:
Start thought: “I can never think of what to say”
Changing it to a positive: “I am a very good listener”
Next step: “I will know what to say, if I listen”
Final goal: “By using my listening skills, I will know what to contribute to each conversation”
The goal was to stop the panic of not knowing what to say in conversation. Instead of focusing on me, and what I was going to (or not) say. I switched the focus to a skill I had, doing this allowed me to actually listen. Prior, I would half listen, half panic with self talk “I don’t know what to say” repeating.
August 13th, 2007 at 3:30 pm
I couldn’t understand some parts of this article ing Shyness Part 4: Stop Negative Self-Talk, but I guess I just need to check some more resources regarding this, because it sounds interesting.
August 14th, 2007 at 3:44 am
Hi Daniel, The idea is that shy people often have negative thoughts running through their heads. Such as ‘no one will like me’ or ‘i don’t have anything good to say’
Changing these thoughts is part of the process to overcoming shyness.
August 22nd, 2007 at 6:02 am
I think your working example is one of the best tools I’ve ever used for overcoming shyness. Anything that helps you to forget yourself and helps you to focus on something other than your shyness works. Take the focus and the pressure off yourself! I’m still pretty shy, so I’m going to enjoy getting hints from your blog.
August 23rd, 2007 at 3:47 pm
Thanks Bird
I’m tring to include as many practical tips as possible.