Overcoming Shyness Part 2: Manageable Steps are the Key
To ensure success make small manageable steps.
Most people make a colossal change only to find it too hard or uncomfortable and within a few days they have given up. Not only that but now they are discouraged to try again. It is far better to take small steps that you can manage. You need to push yourself enough so that you make a change, but not too much that you give up. The best way to do this is start slightly smaller than you think is necessary. Having a few successes early on can be a wonderful boost for your confidence and this can help motivate you to try some more challenging steps.
Remember to proceed at your own pace not someone else’s. Likewise it’s important that you don’t measure your success against someone else. How they are doing doesn’t affect how well you are doing. Think of the baby learning to walk. First they learn to hold their head up, then the roll and sit, they crawl then the walk with help. Each baby is different and some move through the steps faster or slower than others, but the fact that they learn to walk is all that matters.
Don’t worry about the size of the steps.
All steps forwards are good steps. Don’t be concerned that your steps maybe too small. You don’t need to go out and throw a dinner party or make a speech in the street. Even something like returning a faulty product or asking question in class may be too big to start with. Start as small as you need to. If returning faulty products is not a problem, then what about asking for a raise? A lot of overcoming shyness is about practice and forming new habits, taking small steps like this helps you in forming new habits and gives you good practice to ultimately overcome your shyness.
An Example.
If your goal is to “keep a conversation going, and not freeze up” some steps might be:
1. Read up on the art of conversation.
2. Plan some phrases to say or questions to ask.
3. Make a small comment to the sales clerk when you are purchasing items.
4. Ask a fellow shopper for advice.
5. Make small talk with co-workers.
6. Join co-workers for drinks or dinner.
7. Ring a old friend you haven’t seen in a while.
8. Join a community group, start a night class or volunteer your time.
You may feel confident starting at number 3 or 4 or you may need to add additional steps along the way. The point is that you get to the end goal, it is not important if it takes you 3 steps or 23 steps.
Part 1 of the overcoming shyness series can be found here.
November 7th, 2007 at 3:38 pm
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