Don’t Be Shy

Even though you know you shouldn’t make social comparisons you probably still do.  But how fair is this on you, and your efforts to feel more comfortable in social situations.   If you still find yourself making social comparisons here are a few things to consider:

1. It’s not necessarily the comparison that should stop – only the unrealistic ones.  Do you seek out the most popular and charismatic person in the room and then compare yourself to them.  Or do you see a person on TV, talking about their latest movie and wish that you could talk with such ease and confidence?  This is hardly a fair comparison.
If you are going to compare yourself to others, at least make it a fair comparison.

2. Confident people are made, not born.   People are not born confident with the ability to talk comfortably with everyone; they learn and develop these skills.   Also remember that some people get help with what to say, and rehearse over and over to get it sounding just right.

3. Learn from these people.  Don’t compare yourself to the most socially confident people, instead watch how they act, what do they do, how do they stand, and what do they do when they are listening?  Observations like this can show you what skills to develop for yourself.

4. You can learn these skills too.   Practice looking people in the eye when you talk with them, stand tall and keep an open body posture.  Start doing this and practice, practice, practice until it becomes natural.

So if you are going to make social comparisons make them realistic.  Don’t compare yourself with someone who has a team of people behind them helping them know, how and what to say.  Don’t compare yourself with the person that has been practicing conversation skills for 20 years.   And even better establish what skills you need to develop so you too can become socially confident.