It’s not always easy.
Developing social skills and overcoming shyness is not always easy. This is neither a bad thing nor something that should deter you but rather it simply shows that you will need to practice and stick with it. You find this with any new skill you wish to acquire. If you wanted to play your favorite song on the piano you wouldn’t expect to just sit down and play it without first learning and practicing it. So why is it that so many of us think that learning and developing social skills should be different?
One possible answer is that we are constantly being shown adverts for quick and easy fixes. Need dinner now? Easy this will cook in 1 minute – need to lose 10 pounds? Simple eat this or use this and so on and so on. After a while it can appear that nearly everything has a simple, quick and easy solution. But of course there are plenty of worthwhile things/skills that take time, patience and at time some discomfort to achieve.
We can also get stuck thinking ‘if they can do it, why can’t I’. Again this goes back to thinking it should be simple and so ignores the fact that the other person probably has practiced for years. It also neglects to acknowledge that just because a person appears calm and confident does mean they feel this way on the inside. The reality might be that they feel unsure and uncomfortable inside while being able to project calm and confidence on the outside – also a learnt skill.
Use this to your advantage.
Next time you think developing your social skills is too hard:
1. Remind yourself that there is no quick fix – you have to experience new social settings and practice.
2. Those people that look at ease and full of confidence have already practiced and developed their social skills (or perhaps they aren’t as confident on the inside.) Therefore, you are doing fine – you are taking positive steps to further develop your own social skills just as they already have or are currently doing.
3. Yes it will be tough and frustrating at times and you will have to push yourself a little. This is all part of learning a new skill.
To summarize, developing social skills and reduce shyness will be hard and frustrating at times. This is normal and something we all experience. The important thing is to keep going and not let it put you off.
Posted: July 30th, 2008 under Overcoming Shyness.