Don’t Be Shy

Earlier this week I was asked “how do I motivated myself to do something that I don’t want to do it” I thought this would make an excellent post topic because at one time, we have all thought that way in our quest to overcome shyness.

When I hit one of those ‘I don’t want to’ moments I ask myself these three questions:

1. Why don’t you want to?

There are usually two reasons why you don’t want to. Anxiety/fear based or that you need a break. There are millions of excuses that you can make. But in the end it usually boils down to two reasons – fear or in need of a break. And in most cases being honest with yourself will give you the answer.

If you need a break then take one. If your reasons are anxiety or fear based continue to the next questions.

2. Will it move you towards your goal?

I like this question because it reminds us of the real reason to take action. It is easy to forget the bigger picture and instead focus on the small details. Once you are happy that the thing you don’t want to do will move you towards your goal – focus on that. Switch your attention from what you don’t want to do onto the overall outcome you desire.

For example; You have a job interview which will involve a panel of 5 – you don’t want to go. What is your goal?  Well in this case your goal would be more personal fulfillment and improved financial situation. So attending that job interview could certainly move you towards your goal. Now put your focus on the goal.

3. Is the step too big?

Sometimes not wanting to do something just means you are not ready for this yet. Try and look for an intermediate step that you could take instead. In the case of the job interview an intermediate step may not be possible. But there are ways to help. In this example planning and rehearsing some answers with a friend can relieve anxiety. 

Overcoming shyness can bring up many ‘I don’t want to’ moments.   When that happens try asking yourself the three questions discussed above to reclaim your motivation to take action.