Conversation Starters Q&A.
After posting 50 ways to start a conversation I have received several questions via email. The questions are listed below with answers. If you have any further ideas, comments or questions, please email me or leave a comment.
What if I can’t remember them?
The main goal of the conversation starters is to help you avoid a social situation where you are standing there thinking “I don’t know what to say”. You can be successful in doing this without memorizing all the conversation starters.
Different situations will suite different conversation starters. When you have a social event coming up, scan the news for a few conversation ideas, take a look at the conversation starter list, and/or think of a few yourself. Then jot them on a post-it or likewise and say them out loud just before you leave. Just having 3 or 4 conversation starters in your mind should help avoid the anxiety that comes from not knowing what to say.
What do I do after starting the conversation?
Feeling confident making conversation in different social settings is all about practice. The more conversations you have, even given a few set-backs, it will get easier and your confidence and comfort will grow. But until you reach that point, planning a few questions to ask is a great way to ease you into the situation.
Keeping the conversation flowing is not nearly as easy to plan and is where practice certainly helps. One way to keep the conversation flowing is by finding cues on what to ask next by listening to what they say. If they mention a job, ask what they like best. If they mention children, ask how old they are, their names etc. If they mention a holiday, ask what they enjoyed most, where did they stay, see, do etc.
And remember you are not the only person in this conversation, they will ask you questions too. You can do a lot to help the conversation by avoiding quick answers. Adding a little more to your answers shows that you are interested in having a conversation, while short answers can give the idea that you aren’t. The other benefit of giving answers that hold a little bit more information is that the other person now has extra information and is able to ask you more questions and keep the conversation flowing.
What if I say the wrong thing and offend someone?
There is always a risk of that when dealing with anyone. No one is expecting you to know every little detail about their lives. If you know of a sensitive issue, the obviously don’t bring up that topic. But in most cases when you are meeting someone for the first time, you don’t know their past, their current situation and that is why you are talking – to get to know each other, to find things in common.
Everyone has insecurities and sensitive issues in their lives, no-one expects you to know those of complete strangers, so if you do ask something that makes the other person feel uncomfortable, remember it was an accident and don’t beat yourself up about it.
These questions relate to the post 50 ways to start a conversation.
Thanks to those who took the time to email me, I very much appreciate it.
January 22nd, 2008 at 2:26 pm
That’s perfect. I find following the news does help, and so does watching the most popular television shows, as people talk about those the next day at work. It feels so much better when you know what they are talking about and you sometimes havesomething to add to the conversation.
July 30th, 2008 at 1:08 pm
hi!
my name is carmelia kejickand i live a place called grassy narrows. I erinting you guys a comment because i think i bad a starting conversation like really bad… when i talk too someone i get all choke up and walk away…I had alot of guys come up too be and said they had like me but i just to shy and they dump me or say i’m hard to get…but i never even to a guy noice about myself i can talk to a guy because maybe i’m scared of loving or knowing a guy..but i want to so bad, but i hope they don’t call me shy or weak..I scared I will never have a conversation with a guy..p.s help me out…what do i do…