Overcoming shyness is all about feeling comfortable in an increasing range of situations.  Slowly extending where you feel comfortable is the easiest way to do this.  And to help further there are small comfort challenges you can try.  Learning to say no is number 4.   Because these challenges  aim to extend your comfort zone slowly it is best to start at with number one and move up from there.

Number one – Look people in the eye.
Number two – Learn to propose solutions or ideas.
Number three – Get phone numbers.

The main goal of all these comfort challenges is to feel more at ease doing something that before you may have felt anxious about.  Comfort challenge number 4 is no different.  The object here is to feel more comfortable saying no. 

So what do you do?

The challenge is to say no to everything that will not get you fired.   This comfort challenge was taken from Tim Ferris’s book “the four hour work week”.  Although this book is about working less and different ways to approach a work-life there are a number of comfort challenges that are perfect to help you overcome shyness.

Tips to help you say no.

1. Delay the answer.   If you say ‘yes’ to something and then later regret that decisions try delaying the answer.  This will give you some time to think it through, do you really want to, do you feel obligated?  To give yourself some time, try saying:
    a. ”Let me check my diary and I’ll get back to you later today”
    b. ”Let me check I’m free that morning and let you know tomorrow morning”
    c. ”I’m a bit busy at the moment, let me think about it and I’ll get back to you”

2. Give a brief reply.  If there is something that you don’t want to do, but aren’t busy should you lie?  I have found most success in giving a brief reply and if pressed for more details, to just say that I am busy.  Some examples of brief replies are:
    a. ” I won’t be able to attend, sorry”
    b. ”I’m sorry, but I can’t make it”

3. Why are you saying yes?  Before you let the word ‘yes” come out of your mouth, ask why you are saying yes.   If you are saying ‘yes’ for the wrong reasons then you need to challenge yourself to say ‘no’ instead.  Some possible wrong reasons include:
    a. Saying yes out of fear.  For example, fear that people won’t like you.
    b. Saying yes out of guilt. 
    c. Saying yes because of social pressure.  

4. What is your gut feeling?  Take a step back and listen to your gut instinct.  What is that you really want to do?  Usually you know you want to say ‘no,’ but feel obligated to say yes.  This is where practice is important, so you can say ‘no’ and be true to yourself.

5. Practice saying no.  This is the whole purpose of this comfort challenge, to practice saying ‘no’.   It does get easier with practice.
 

Posted in Overcoming Shyness |

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