Today, 15 October is the day bloggers unite to raise awareness and this year the chosen topic is the environment. So the challenge is to write a post on an environmental - shyness issue so I present to you:

5 ways to be more social while saving the environment.

1. Ditch your car.

Walk instead of taking your car, or if that isn’t possible - take public transport. Not only are you helping to reduce the impact on the environment but you now have many opportunities to meet and talk with people. Even if it’s just a few hello’s and some small talk it all helps you feel more comfortable in different social situations.

2. Join a Group.

Join a community group that works towards helping the environment. Not only are you helping the environment but you will get to meet others who have the same goals as you.

3. Spread the message.

Find an environment issue that is important to you. This gives you a number of conversation topics. Don’t lecture people, but instead offer practical advice that can help others.

4. Unplug appliances not in use.

Ok so this has very little to do with social skills and shyness but it is such a simple little thing you can do. Get in the habit of turning off appliance that are not being used. Leaving your TV, DVD and stereo on stand-by still uses power. Turn these items off at the wall to save energy resources (and to reduced your power bill)

5. Reduce packaging.

I have recently discovered that buying local products means a lot less packaging. And less packaging means less rubbish, which is great news for the environment. The social benefit is that you can chat with the producer. One of my recent discoveries is a wonderful small shop that sells homemade soaps. Great for gifts and each time I visit the shop I have a chat with the women who makes the soaps.

So there you have it 5 4 ways that you can help the environment and become more social to help overcome shyness.

Posted in Tips and Tricks | 3 Comments »

Earlier this week I was asked “how do I motivated myself to do something that I don’t want to do it” I thought this would make an excellent post topic because at one time, we have all thought that way in our quest to overcome shyness.

When I hit one of those ‘I don’t want to’ moments I ask myself these three questions:

1. Why don’t you want to?

There are usually two reasons why you don’t want to. Anxiety/fear based or that you need a break. There are millions of excuses that you can make. But in the end it usually boils down to two reasons - fear or in need of a break. And in most cases being honest with yourself will give you the answer.

If you need a break then take one. If your reasons are anxiety or fear based continue to the next questions.

2. Will it move you towards your goal?

I like this question because it reminds us of the real reason to take action. It is easy to forget the bigger picture and instead focus on the small details. Once you are happy that the thing you don’t want to do will move you towards your goal - focus on that. Switch your attention from what you don’t want to do onto the overall outcome you desire.

For example; You have a job interview which will involve a panel of 5 - you don’t want to go. What is your goal?  Well in this case your goal would be more personal fulfillment and improved financial situation. So attending that job interview could certainly move you towards your goal. Now put your focus on the goal.

3. Is the step too big?

Sometimes not wanting to do something just means you are not ready for this yet. Try and look for an intermediate step that you could take instead. In the case of the job interview an intermediate step may not be possible. But there are ways to help. In this example planning and rehearsing some answers with a friend can relieve anxiety. 

Overcoming shyness can bring up many ‘I don’t want to’ moments.   When that happens try asking yourself the three questions discussed above to reclaim your motivation to take action.

Posted in Tips and Tricks | 1 Comment »

I’m sure you have heard this advice before – “fake it to make it”.  But how do you actually fake it and does it help you overcome shyness and be more social.

How to fake it.

The idea is that you pretend to be the confident, chatty person you want to be and soon enough you will be this person.   It is suggested to picture how you would act if you were outgoing and chatty, what would you do and say, how would you act.  If you are unsure or can’t picture yourself like this, think of a friend who is.  Think how they talk and interact with others.

What it gets right.

The thing I like about this advice is that it means you actually get out there and do something, talk to some people, interact.  All this practice is what really helps.  The more you interact with people in a variety of situations the more it becomes normal, and well… easy to do. 

What it gets wrong.

‘Fake it to make it’ doesn’t work as a complete method to overcome shyness because it’s not you.   If you head into a party trying to be someone you’re not there is a high chance you will be found out. And if this doesn’t happen, people might think this is who you are.   

Secondly, trying to act like your extrovert, outgoing, chatty, friend when you are a quiet person who takes time to get to know people is a humongous leap, not a small step.  No wonder it’s hard to keep up. 

Ok, yes I tried this….

I was invited to a party where I would know about 2 people but most others there worked together.   While getting ready I decided to fake it, I thought of someone I knew and thought about how they would act in this situation, what would they say and do.  On arriving at the party I was introduced to a group of people and gave a hearty greeting and introduced myself.  But I was soon standing there wondering what to say.   I actually found it harder, because there was an image to live up to, and since it wasn’t my image – it was impossible to meet.  The people must have wondered what happened, an enthusiastic greeting, introduction, and ‘how are you’ – then nothing.   Afterwards I decided that I would have been better off planning some questions to ask and conversation topics.

Take action,meet new people, and attend social events but instead of trying to be someone else, try taking small steps to be a better you. 

Posted in Overcoming Shyness, Tips and Tricks | 3 Comments »

 I’m not talking about simple questions like - ’how are you’?  But questions where you feel pressured to give an answer, but really aren’t sure what you want to say. 

Before I heard this tip I often just gave the answer I thought they wanted to hear and quite often later would wish I hadn’t said yes.  Even when yes would be the answer I would have given, I find you become more comfortable with your answer when you take your time to think about it. 

So, if you aren’t sure what answer to give and want to think about it, then it is perfectly ok to say so.  You could try saying:

• - Let me check my diary and get back to you.
• - I’ll need to sleep on that, let me get back to you.
• - Let me think about it and get back to you.
• - I’ll have to think about that, give me 24 hours and I’ll let you know. 

Many years ago when I was looking for a job, I nearly took a job that wouldn’t enable me to continue studying (part-time).  They wanted me to join the team, but stressed that I would not be able to have any time off for study.  Because this went against my long-term plans I said I would need to sleep on it and would let them know by 10am the next day.   I ended up passing on the job and glad I did.  But had I felt compelled to give an answer on the spot I probably would have said yes.

So next time you find yourself in the situation where you aren’t sure what to answer, let the person know you need some time to think and will get back to them.

Posted in Tips and Tricks | 2 Comments »

16 strangers find themselves left somewhere in china.  They must survive the elements, fight hunger, cope with lack of sleep and most critical they must survive the social game that is survivor.  Even if you don’t like reality shows they hold a lot of insight to social interaction and how relationships are quickly built and destroyed.  As an avid survivor fan watching each season I have noticed four common elements that each winner displays throughout their game.  Factors that are key to their win.

1. Assess the social dynamic and work out where they can fit in.

Due to the nature of the game, teams are often shuffled around and players can find themselves in a new group many times.  The winners have been able to quickly assess the dynamic of the group and understand what role each person plays.  They know who holds the power, where they loyalties are, and where they aren’t.    Once they assess the group dynamic they work out where they can fit in this group. 

2. Be quick to adapt.

The fish out water idea is the basis for the show.  How do people react outside their comfort zone.  Those that quickly and easily adapt and do so without complaint and instead with good nature do the best in the game survivor.  Usually the first people to leave are those that complain and moan a lot. 

3. Show interest and bond others.

Players that show interest in others and inquire after their family and friends, what their life is like back home are well liked.  And it’s pretty clear why this is.  But very often players vote on how much they like someone rather than strategically, especially in the initial days. 

4. Luck.

Luck always has a part to play in the game survivor.  Luck of what team you get on, the luck of who you make friends with etc, all play a role in who wins.
Applying this to your life.

Applying this to your life 

When you join a group take a few moments to observe the roles each person holds.  And while social situations aren’t quite as dramatic as the game of survivor understanding how the group functions and how everyone fits with-in the group can be of great help.  Look to see who is the leader, is anyone challenging the leader, who is just happy to follow, how are decisions made. 

From my own shy experience, I have found sitting back and observing comes very easy, and instead it is joining the conversations that is the biggest challenge.  However, I have found talking the time to observe the group beneficial.  Firstly, it can allow you to find your place in the group easier.  And Secondly, having an understanding of the group can help you feel more comfortable.

When you approach new social situations take time to observe others and assess the roles that people.  I have found shyness to be a advantage with this. 

 Showing genuine interest in other people is how friendships are developed.  Since we are not playing the game survivor we don’t have to worry about getting voted off.  But if you want social success taking the time to get to know people, being genuinely interest in others is always the best way to go. 

About Survivor 

Survivor is not so much about surviving the elements of harsh unforgiving land, but about surviving a social game.   The contestants must live together 24/7, compete with then against each other, vote each other out, then turn around and ask for a vote to win the million dollars.  Therefore winning the game is all about being able to establish a bond with others because at the end a lot of people vote based on their hurt feelings and not who played the game the best.     Survivor china has just begin in the US.  It screens each Thursday night on CBS. 

Posted in Tips and Tricks | 1 Comment »

Ever notice how wearing different clothes can change your mood or attitude?  Well, you can use this to your advantage when you need a confidence boost.   I’m a strong believer that everyone (especially shy people) should own at least one amazing outfit, that you not only look great in, but you feel great in.   

Finding clothes that make you feel great is, of course, dependant on individual taste and style.   But from personal experience I can safety say that you will know them when you try them on.  Of course clothes alone won’t help you overcome your shyness, but they can help a little.  And sometimes a little is all you need to get going.

In addition to the clothes in general the colour of those clothes (or accessories) can portray different emotions (including confidence) to everyone (including you).

What Colours to wear?

The exact colour that looks great on you depends on your skin colouring.  But here is a rough guide to colour meanings:

• - Red: Danger, strength, power, love, boldness
• - Blue: Stability, trust, loyalty, confidence.
• - Deep blue: Expertise, depth, stability.
• - Black:  Mystery, power, evil.
• - White: Purity, innocence.
• - Green: Freshness, growth, safety, money.
• - Yellow: Joy, happiness, intellect.

This site has more information about each colour and its meaning.  

Most people already have that amazing outfit, or some variation of it.  If you don’t, I recommend you buy some. 

Posted in Tips and Tricks | 3 Comments »

If you want to improve your social skills, extend your comfort zone and ultimately overcome your shyness you are going to need to take action and meet new people.  The easiest way to do this is …

Find others who share you passion.

This has many advantages:

  1.  Conversation topics.  
You automatically have many conversation topics because everyone shares the same passion as you.   If you are like me and knowing what to say is sometimes a challenge having ready-made topics is a blessing.  Especially initially when you are still unsure about the situation. 

  2.  Strong knowledge, Strong confidence.  
Because this is a topic you are passionate about, there is no doubt that you will have a good knowledge in this area.   This can be very helpful in giving you the confidence you need to talk and share information with others.

  3.  Gets you talking. 
One thing I have noticed is that shy people, myself included, can become quite talkative when they are speaking on a topic they are very passionate about.    

  4. Common ground with others.  
Because everyone in the group shares the same passion or interest there is already a common ground.  This means there is a high chance you will have other things in common.  This is important for developing friendships

  5. You can share your passion. 
It is always fun to share your passion with other people who share your excitement.  

  
 So where can you find these groups?

You can look around your community for ideas of what groups exisit and which group would suite you best.  Here are some ideas;  - Sign up for a evening class.
- Volunteering your time for a charity you support.
- Join a community group.  This can range from signing up to play or coach a sports team, to joining a book group, to joining a fan  
- If you are a parent, or about to be; join a parents group.  These groups introduce you to others who are going throught he same experience as you.  Not only can you exchange tips and moral support, but you can develop some great friends. 
- Join a gym.

So if you are serious about overcoming shyness and getting rid of your social anixety you will need to take action and expand your confort zone.  The best way to do this is find a social group that shares your passions.  So have a look around your community or even search online to see what groups are available in your area.

Posted in Overcoming Shyness, Tips and Tricks | 1 Comment »

Forgetting names is something that nearly everyone does at some stage.  I know I have been guilty of it a few times.   How awkward the situation becomes all depends on the person and how often you have met them before (and forgotten their name before).  Here are a few tricks to avoid that embarrassing social situations.
 

1. Tell them your name first. 
Someone is approaching you – you know the face, but not the name.  Try being the first to talk, smile and say “Hello, we’ve met before – I’m Dee”.  In most cases the other person will say there name too.  This works perfect in situations when you only met someone briefly because there is a change they also have forgotten your name.  Using this trick provides the person with your name also, without either of you having to admit you forgot names.

2.  The extra sneaky tricks.
Ask the person their name and after they tell you say “No, I ment your last name.”  Another option is to ask how they spell their name, now of course this can backfire if their name is something simple (like Dee).   

3.  Avoid saying names altogether.
There are situations where you do not want to admit you forgot a name.  If it is a name you should know and the consequences are too big then starting a conversation without any names is your best bet.  For example,  “Oh hi, how have you been?”  “Good to see you again, I was hoping you would be here”.  This also gives you a chance to remember their name as you talk. 

4.  Use the ‘introduce a friend’ trick.
“Hello, oh have you met my friend Jack?”  Jack then says hi and in most situations the person will introduce themselves to Jack.    If the person merely says “Hi Jack” then you can still say “I’m sorry, I have forgotten your name”.

5.  Darling so good to see you!
This trick is really a twist on avoid saying names altogether.  But instead you use a substitute where you would usually say their name.  Such as darling, honey, champ, sir, dude etc.  Not recommended at business events but can work at parties. 

6.   Ask someone else what their name is. 
If you are attending a party or networking event scan the room for familiar faces.  If you can’t place a name to a face then ask a friend who they are.  Now you know their name and are ready to greet them later.

7.   Be honest (short and simple).
If you are going to ask someone what their name is because you have forgotten add an apologize.   “I’m so sorry I can’t remember your name”  or “I’m sorry, what was your name again?”   A simple apology is all that is needed before launching into a conversation with them.  Or you could try something even simplier like “Can you remind me what your name is?” 

There are a bunch of sites here and here that have tips on how to remember people’s names so you’ll never have to use the tips in this post.   

And just in case you have forgotten.  Hi, I’m Dee - nice to meet you.  

 I love blog writing projects like this.  Daniel at daily blog tips is kind enough to host this writing project and the topic is ‘tips and tricks’.  Last time I added about 6 new blogs to my reader so I am looking forward to reading some great posts.

—– 

Or you could really impress people by knowing everyones name.  Memory Improvement Techniques  will show you how.

Posted in Tips and Tricks | 37 Comments »

This tip can help both with dealing with shyness and helping you to overcome shyness.

Dealing with shyness. 

One of the things I have found most helpful in dealing with shyness is to simply stop dwelling on it.  The easiest way to do this is find something else to focus your attention on.   And a book that you can immerse yourself in is perfect.  Remember the idea is not to hide from your shyness, but to give yourself a method to get your emotions to back into balance.  Once they are there you can tackle the problems.  (This is the subject of another post.)

Overcoming shyness.

I couldn’t post about how good books can help you deal with shyness without mentioning a good book that can help you overcome shyness.

I highly recommend Dale Carnegie’s “How to win friends and influence people”. 

Posted in Tips and Tricks | No Comments »

How do you deal with being shy on a day-to-day basis? Overcoming shyness takes time and it is certainly worth taking some steps to overcome but in the meantime you still have to deal with shyness on a daily basis.   If your shyness is stopping you from taking action and find yourself feeling down here are a few ideas that help me; they might help you too.

Know you are in great company.

This is just another way of saying if you are shy - you are not alone.   93% of people experience shyness at some point with about 40% of people experiencing shyness to a level that affects their lives.    I wanted to point out the large number of people who are shy because it can be easy to feel like you are the only one who has these problems.   So know that you are not alone, there are lots of people who experience the same feelings and thoughts that you do.  And of course there are some very cool, nice, kind and generous people who are shy.   

Give yourself time and space.

Being shy is not easy and sometimes it can be very overwhelming.  I have certainly felt this many times.  I find the best thing is to give myself the time and space I need.  Many shy people are also introverts and they need to have some alone time each day.  If you are both an introvert and shy make sure you allow yourself time to regroup and gather your thoughts.  Doing this means you have more energy to deal with others.

Realise you can overcome shyness.

Sometimes you can get so caught up in being shy that it can be hard to see that this is something you can overcome.  Age is sometimes all you need overcome your shyness; the more experiences you have means there are now more situations that you feel comfortable.   But others need to take active steps to slowly extend their comfort zone and ‘practice’ social skills.  Either way shyness can be overcome.

Take your mind of it.

Don’t give your shyness more power by constantly thinking about it. After a bad day you may find yourself dwelling on being shy.  Because this is only going upset you instead keep your mind busy with a hobby that you are passionate about.  Find a book that absorbs you, practice a sport you love.  It can even be something as easy as listening to music or watching a movie.   As long as you are now no longer thinking about your shyness then we have success.   

Think about what you can do.

Think about what you could do next time.  For example, if you have come home from a party where there was a group talking that you wanted to join, but your shyness took over and you didn’t say anything.  First take some time to regroup, get some sleep.  Once you have settled think about what you could do next time you are in that situation.

Posted in Tips and Tricks | 3 Comments »