Don’t Be Shy

I’m sure you have heard this advice before – “fake it to make it”.  But how do you actually fake it and does it help you overcome shyness and be more social.

How to fake it.

The idea is that you pretend to be the confident, chatty person you want to be and soon enough you will be this person.   It is suggested to picture how you would act if you were outgoing and chatty, what would you do and say, how would you act.  If you are unsure or can’t picture yourself like this, think of a friend who is.  Think how they talk and interact with others.

What it gets right.

The thing I like about this advice is that it means you actually get out there and do something, talk to some people, interact.  All this practice is what really helps.  The more you interact with people in a variety of situations the more it becomes normal, and well… easy to do. 

What it gets wrong.

‘Fake it to make it’ doesn’t work as a complete method to overcome shyness because it’s not you.   If you head into a party trying to be someone you’re not there is a high chance you will be found out. And if this doesn’t happen, people might think this is who you are.   

Secondly, trying to act like your extrovert, outgoing, chatty, friend when you are a quiet person who takes time to get to know people is a humongous leap, not a small step.  No wonder it’s hard to keep up. 

Ok, yes I tried this….

I was invited to a party where I would know about 2 people but most others there worked together.   While getting ready I decided to fake it, I thought of someone I knew and thought about how they would act in this situation, what would they say and do.  On arriving at the party I was introduced to a group of people and gave a hearty greeting and introduced myself.  But I was soon standing there wondering what to say.   I actually found it harder, because there was an image to live up to, and since it wasn’t my image – it was impossible to meet.  The people must have wondered what happened, an enthusiastic greeting, introduction, and ‘how are you’ – then nothing.   Afterwards I decided that I would have been better off planning some questions to ask and conversation topics.

Take action,meet new people, and attend social events but instead of trying to be someone else, try taking small steps to be a better you.